


Can you hear me out there? (can you help me, I'm scared)

by Zimbitshamilfansie



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, M/M, Self-Harm, This is Bad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:35:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24152920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zimbitshamilfansie/pseuds/Zimbitshamilfansie
Summary: oh god, I'm sorry y'all. this is the first fic I've posted since middle school and it did not come out the way i wanted it to. but I'm posting it anyways. this is also proofread to the smallest extent possible for it to still be considered proof reading so I apologize for that to. the title is from 'can you hear me' by Anson Seabra.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	Can you hear me out there? (can you help me, I'm scared)

**Author's Note:**

> oh god, I'm sorry y'all. this is the first fic I've posted since middle school and it did not come out the way i wanted it to. but I'm posting it anyways. this is also proofread to the smallest extent possible for it to still be considered proof reading so I apologize for that to. the title is from 'can you hear me' by Anson Seabra.

“Baby, where are you?” Alex yelled, dropping his bag on the floor next to the couch. He knew that it drove Henry crazy, royal cleanliness etched into him. But honestly, Alex had too long of a day and was too tired to care right now. He would pick it up later, probably not until after Henry pointed it out to him.

Alex strolled into their shared bedroom, expecting to see Henry lounging on the bed. But was met with the empty bed that he had made that morning. 

“Baby?” he called again, peeking into Henry’s office. He started to get concerned when he didn’t see him there either. 

“Hen?” he said, knocking on the bathroom door. No answer. He knocked again, not knowing where else to look but not wanting to barge in. A bang came from the other side of the door. 

“Sweetie are you okay in there.”

Again, no answer. 

Alex reached for the door handle, finding it unlocked.

“Baby, I’m coming in, okay?” he waited for a response but opened the door when Henry didn’t answer. Alex held his breath as he pushed open the door, endless possibilities playing through his head as to what could be happening behind the door. But nothing could prepare him for the sight of his boyfriend hunched over on the floor with blood covering his arms and a razor blade dangling from his hand.

“No, no sweetheart.” Alex said, rushing forward and throwing himself on the floor next to Henry.   
Henry's body stiffened and Alex could hear the soft crying coming from him now.

“Hen, baby no.” Alex whispered, restraining his arms as he pulled the blade from his sweaty palms. Henry whined and reached for it back with the little energy and will he could muster up.  
“No no sweetheart, please, just,”

Henry cut him off with a sob. Reaching again for the blade, this time with more force.   
Alex quickly reached up and hastily threw the blade into the sink, out of Henry’s reach for the time being.

Henry began scratching at the open wounds on his arms, his heavy sobs mixed with screams. Alex quickly reached out and forced Henry's hands into his own. His heart ached. He threw his head back against the wall harder than he intended to and silently cursed whatever higher power allowed his boyfriend to feel this much pain. He reached up and guided Henry's head down into his lap with little resistance.

“Baby please, just stop, please.” Alex all but screamed. There was no response, nothing to show that Henry had heard Alex.   
Henry’s muffled sobs continued for what seemed like a hellish eternity to Alex and then died down into a numb silence. 

Alex’s silent tears dripped down onto Henry’s soft, tawny hair. He smoothed it down, feeling his boyfriend under his hand. His presence solidified. Henry was hurting. But he was there. He was safe on the floor of the bathroom in the brownstone that they shared in Brooklyn.   
He was present and safe and Alex was going to do anything and everything in his power to protect Henry from anything that could ever hurt him. He would make damn sure that he would protect him from himself. 

“Baby?” he whispered. Scratching Henry’s scalp as lightly as he could.

“Sweetie, do you think you can try to sit up for me? We need to get your arms cleaned up.” 

Henry didn’t answer, but Alex knew that it needed to be done sooner rather than later or Henry was at risk of getting an infection. 

Alex sighed, deeply and silently. Then he gently pulled Henry into a sitting position. Henry’s empty eyes refused to meet Alex’s.   
“There’s my sweet boy.” he whispered, unsure of if Henry had even heard him. He pressed a soft kiss to his temple and wiped a stray tear from Henry's cheek. 

Alex reached for Henry's arm to examine the cuts. Henry pulled away at the contact and cradled his bloodied forearm to his chest.

“H, come on, sweetie.” 

Alex sighed, running his hand through his mess of curls. 

“Just, please, let me take a look.”  
Henry briefly made eye contact with Alex before averting his gaze once again. Alex reached out for his arm again, his time without resistance. He gently turned Henry's arm in his hands. 

“Thank god none of these are that deep,” he muttered under his breath. Henry closed his eyes and swallowed deeply,

“Alex, please.” he started.

“What, sweetheart.” his voice sounded short. 

“Please, just stop.”

“H, I don’t know what to tell you. Either you do this yourself, which you won’t, or I do it for you.” 

Henry shrinks back further into himself and lets Alex continue. It was then that Alex realized how tired and empty Henry really looked. All of his princely poise stripped away, leaving just the broken, hurt core of the beautiful boy that he fell in love with. Alex wanted to scream. He wanted to cry until he passed out. He wanted to hold Henry and never let him go. He wanted to save him from everything in his head causing him pain.

“I’m just gonna get you cleaned up, alright? And then you can sleep.” he thought for a second, then added,   
“and then we can talk about this in the morning.”

Henry’s breath hitched, and he averted his eyes further. But he otherwise didn’t respond.

“Okay.” Alex muttered as he turned to get first-aid supplied from the cabinet. He wet a towel and pulled out a roll of gauze and antibiotic ointment.   
Alex put the supplies down next to him and reached up to cup Henry’s cheek. He opened his mouth to say something but opted not to say anything. 

He moved his hand down to Henry’s shoulder and gently rubbed it for a second before reaching down to grab Henry's hand from where he was fiddling with the hem of his shirt. 

“Alright sweetheart.” he started, picking up the towel

“This might sting a little, okay?” 

He didn’t wait for a response before he began to gently wife the semi-dried blood from Henry’s arms. Henry winced softly at the contact of the towel but otherwise showed no discomfort, so Alex kept going.  
He smeared the cream onto the cuts that littered Henry's arms and wrapped them in gauze. They sat like that for a while before Henry finally broke the silence. 

“I’m sorry.” he whispered. 

It caught Alex off guard. It was so sudden and soft. So broken. He wanted to reach out and grab   
Henry and wrap him in a cocoon of love and safety forever. But he settled for a simple,

“I know.”

He stood up and reached his hands out to Henry, who stared at him for a minute before electing to grab his hands.

Henry needed more help getting up than either of them expected. So Alex sat him down on the closed toilet seat as soon as he got him on his feet. 

“sweetie, do you need me to carry you or can you walk to bed?”

“I can walk,” he mumbled softly. 

“Okay.”

Alex grabbed one of Henry's hands and placed the other on his back to help him walk the short distance to their bedroom where he helped him change into fresh pajamas. 

“You look sleepy, baby.”

“Yeah,”

“I love you.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

Silence. 

“I love you.”

Alex got Henry into bed and under the covers before he went to clean up the bathroom and himself. He quietly made his way back to the bedroom and crawled in beside his boyfriend. He placed a kiss of the top of his head and cuddled up behind him. Henry rolled away just enough to queue Alex to back off, just for tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was either really sad or really bad, oops. my tumblr is @gayvenclaw-lovegood so come talk to me about rwrb over there! or don't, up to you.


End file.
